Is it purely your average run of the mill procrastination? Maybe it’s fear? Or is it one of the symptoms?
All I know is my final paper for my critical thinking class is due tomorrow at 2. The good news is, I’ve completed my outline. The bad news is, I haven’t picked up my pen since to write the actual essays. Like an old car, I can’t seem to get my brain to “turn over.”
Recently, I’ve started guided meditation to clear my mind. The meditation I’ve been doing is called “meditation for inner peace.” Last week, during a crisis (a final project for my digital imaging class was due and I worked through all of what would be every other normal student’s free time), I came home from my college at around 12:20am, slipped into bed, and switched on my guided meditation. I hadn’t ever participated in meditation before recently. But this night, after struggling with my assignment, getting not much further than where I began, I decided I was in dire need of inner peace. So I dried my tears and listened. I woke up in the morning on time, refreshed, and I went straight back to school. I was the first one in the classroom. In fact, I was the only one in there the entire time I was there. I managed to get from basically nowhere, to finished in an hour and a half. And I made mistake after mistake. I had to print out my project about 15 times before getting it right. But I wasn’t bothered. And to me, this was a miracle. A silent miracle because until it was over, I didn’t even realize it had happened that way. But it did. I went from complete frustration, wanting to slam things against walls, to complete peace. I completed my project and was actually humming and singing as I secured it to the mat board.
Now here I am a week later. I have a new assignment that needs completion. It isn’t a difficult task, it’s one I’ve done before on a different topic. I can do this. But for some reason, my mind is elsewhere. I’m thinking about my ex-husband. I’m thinking about my website. I’m thinking about resting. I’m thinking about my cat. I’m thinking about thinking about writing my essay. But I’m not writing my essay. In analysis, is this my add? Should I go take my pill? NO! I’m not going to. I’m going to do this holistically. I have nothing against the pills except that the doctors don’t seem to want to prescribe them to me, and the cost of them when my insurance runs out. (Which it is about to.) So no. What I’m going to do is meditate. I’m going to clear my mind naturally, spiritually. And learn from my past successes. And cross my fingers, pop some chocolate, and get this baby done!
